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I was thinking today (“I thought I could see smoke comin’ from your ears!”, as my dad used to say) about the living arrangements between parents and children, and it occurred to me that something frequently overlooked in this area is not just how the wee ones and their parents relate in the traditional parent-child relationship, but also how they relate as roommates. Before Jalen came along, Melissa and I never lived together. The five-plus years we dated beforehand we certainly spent a lot of time together, but it wasn’t until Jalen came along that we both actually had the bulk of our worldly possessions under one roof. It took us quite a bit of time to figure out how to not just be life partners, husband and wife, etc. - but also how to live together. We’re still learning. I think my parent’s generation might think it was funny to think of one’s relationship with their child in this way, but in the 21st century with all it’s new-fangled ways of thinking, it’s largely unavoidable. I think it’s really come into focus for me too, now that we’ve got a baby and a 7-year-old, who have hugely different needs in their living arrangements. Luka barely wants to be put down and wails if left alone (while he’s awake) for more than a minute. Jalen, on the other hand, craves personal space and treasures his alone time. I can relate. Alone time, for anyone beyond a certain age, is very valuable. “Alone time” and “personal space” are largely about boundaries, and with Jalen, I’m glad that it’s easy for us to establish and respect personal boundaries (at least as far as “living arrangements” go). I grew up in the sort of household (like many children) where my room and my space was something that was granted to me, could be searched and invaded at any given point, and could be taken away for punitive reasons at the drop of a hat. I think it was growing up in that sort of environment that made me a very poor roommate for many years after I had moved out of my parent’s house. I had no real sense of effective boundaries for myself, and as a result, it was hard to respect others’ or expect them to respect mine. In our household though, Jalen’s room is his own. Yeah, when he’s throwing a fit and trying to avoid us when we need to talk to him, I have no qualms about following him into his room after he’s slammed the door to shut me out - but this isn’t an absolute power for Melissa and I. We try to make sure Jalen knows that his room is his room, and if he doesn’t feel like being around us, it’s (most of the time) OK for him to retreat to his space without fear of us entering at will. Because of that, we don’t seem to have any issues whatsoever with Jalen disrespecting the boundaries we set in regards to ourselves. I have a lot of cool, fun stuff in my studio, not the least of which are some still-in-their-blister-packs Micronauts and Simpsons action figures displayed on the wall. I know for a fact Jalen would like nothing more than to take them off the wall, open them, and play with them. It’s quite maddening for him really, to see toys still in their packaging just collecting dust - yet I know he’ll respect the boundaries I’ve set for him in regards to my things. I can only conclude that the reason for this is because we share a mutual, healthy respect for each other’s boundaries. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s there and it largely works, which is more than I (or most kids of previous generations) can say for my living arrangement growing up. I’m not bitter or anything, but let’s just say it was a real drag having to hide my Dungeon Master’s Guide under the carpet or worry about having my “Satanic” punk rock tapes seized and pitched into the trash when I was younger. I’m glad I won’t have to worry about that with Jalen. If he wants Satanic punk rock, he can just grab it off the server ;-)... Read More »

A very cute clip. Luka gets excited as he studies what a “Lucy” is, and Lucy falls right into nurse-maid mode, licking and gently sniffing the baby as if Luka were her own pup. She was the exact same way with Jalen, and it’s one of the coolest behaviors I’ve ever seen in a dog, mine or otherwise. Lucy just loves the babies.... Read More »

So I’m very sad to say that I’m pretty sure we lost our cat Rosie last night. Missy opened the door at 2:00am to let Kaya out, and she didn’t notice that Rosie had also slipped out. With the high winds, I guess we didn’t hear her meowing to come back in and she also didn’t accompany Kaya when we let her back in around 3:00am. I’ve spent about an hour this morning searching for her and calling for her, but to no avail. She’s spent the night outside many times before, but not in the winter when the temperature was hovering near freezing. I don’t even want to speculate as to what her fate might have been. Needless to say, I’m very upset. I don’t normally do emo blog posts, but I don’t know what else to do. She was the best cat I’ve ever had, and although not always the most personable cat with strangers, she was very sweet to our family, frequently giving us kisses and loving to snuggle. She loved the dogs and had just started warming up to the baby. God, I’m feeling really devastated right now. I’m sure some will read this and think, “it’s only a stupid cat”, but I am very sentimental about our companion animals. They’re members of the family. [Update 2006-12-04 11:05:00] Guess who just sauntered back in after being out all night? Stupid cat.... Read More »

On Friday, we got a new kitty. The runt of the litter, she was also the first to come out from underneath the couch where she was born. We haven't quite figured out a name yet, Jalen's suggestion of Yoshi seemed like a pretty good idea, until we remembered that our friend Lauren also had a kitty named Yoshi. Can't be copycats on cat names! While we haven't totally ruled out Yoshi, we're also considering Rosie. Rosie the cat has a nice ring to it. Anyway, she's 6 weeks old and alternately a complete spaz and completely sweet. She's integrating into the household very nicely but needs to remember where her litterbox is more often. She gets along with the doggies and doesn't seem to be overly scared. We're all very excited to have a cat around the house, and we're hoping she'll put the mice living in our walls on the run.... Read More »

Jalen & Melissa made this wonderful gingerbread house the other day. While the walls and ceilings are made of molasses-sweetened spelt gingerbread, all the candy is, <ahem> not quite so health-conscious. Anyway, I just wanted to share this with all 3 of my readers out there. Merry Christmas, everyone!... Read More »

On July 10, 2004, after knowing her for almost 10 years, dating for 9 and raising a beautiful son with for 4 1/2 -- in front of our loved ones, and with our son Jalen bearing our rings -- I got married to the most beautiful and amazing person I have ever known -- Melissa Susan Rummel. Here's some pictures... Read More »