NRO, for the ignorant, is National Review Online, a right-wing movement rag started by William F. Buckley, someone I have some respect for (even if I don't agree with many of his ideas), but has, for the last few years, basically become a Republican National Committee fax-rewriting service. At any rate, they have a blog called "The Corner", which I read a few times a week, mostly just to marvel at what passes for "serious" conservative thought these days.
What have I been marvelling at? Well, there's Jonah Goldberg, demon-offspring of Lucianne Goldberg, Linda Tripp's advisor. Goldberg seems to have launched into the conservative-opinionatin' bidness solely on this connection; he has no long-term involvement with the conservative press, but is more pleasant on the eyes than his hideous mother, which is most likely why he gets face time on CNN. Anyway, Goldberg recently spent a few weeks researching and writing about why he hates Vermont so much. I'm not kidding. Another columnist there, John Derbyshire, once called for Chelsea Clinton to be sterilized to keep the Clintons from perpetuating their genes. Again, I'm not kidding.
Why do I read NRO? Well, I find them amusing for one. I'm also one of those "know thine enemy" types. In order to effectively debate these numbskulls, you need to know what makes them tick. Reading NRO and the Corner is sorta like when J-Lo enters the killers head in "The Cell", except instead of being populated with nightmarishly beautiful sets, everyone is wearing dockers, drinking bud light and going to bed at 11pm.
I was quite tickled today then to see a few parodies of NRO. Even if you haven't ever subjected yourself to the pleasures of the Corner, you'd still find these funny.
First off Ted Barlow was leaked today's agenda for the NRO Cruise. Favorite agenda item:
11:00 (Deck 1): Moonlight buffet
Moonlight toppling of butter statue of Saddam Hussein
Secondly, we have a brilliant parody of the Corner from Andrew Northrup, entitled "The Cornier". Names have been changed to protect the guily (and prevent a lawsuit from the notoriously thin-skinned right).
This morning I was listening to an NPR story about Gene Robinson being confirmed as the New Hampshire Bishop of the Episcopalian Church. During his confirmation rite, they asked if anyone had any reservations. Four people out of 3000 stepped forward to speak for about 10 minutes. The first man apparently started his tirade with a graphic description of gay sex.
This is really their beef (no pun intended) isn't it? It's not the fact that same-sex couples are capable of feeling just as much love for one another as heterosexual couples. It's not the fact that, biologically, same-sex couples can't reproduce (a big concern for any organized religion it seems). It's not the fact that gay folks might hold hands in public. It's the fact that, whenever somebody says "homosexual", these prudes immediately think of men fucking. If they tell you it's because of the bible's so-called prohibitions against homosexuality, they're lying. Plain and simple. It's the thought of men having sex with other men that gets their goat. While googling the subject of homosexuality and the bible, I ran across an interesting statement:
Persons committing homosexual acts are to be executed. This is the unambiguous command of scripture. Whatever the rationale for their formulation, however, the texts leave no room for maneuvering. Persons committing homosexual acts are to be executed. This is the unambiguous command of scripture. The meaning is clear: anyone who wishes to base his or her beliefs on the witness of the Old Testament must be completely consistent and demand the death penalty for everyone who performs homosexual acts. (That may seem extreme, but there are actually some "Christians" urging this very thing today.) It is unlikely that any American court will ever again condemn a homosexual to death, even though Scripture clearly commands it.
Say what you will about the morality of homosexuality, using the bible to justify one's homophobia is selective reading, plain and simple. I guess I identify more with this assertion:
Liberal Christian theologians tend to interpret the Bible as having been written by authors who were intent on promoting their own religious and spiritual beliefs. The writers lived in a pre-scientific age, which treated slavery, genocide, mass murder, and the oppression of women as acceptable.
So I wake up Thursday morning about 3:30am from a deep sleep, or I guess I should say, I'm awakened from a deep sleep, by a room that's spinning around me about a million miles per hour. What the ... ? I sit up in bed, and the room kinda slows down. Weird. I go into my office so I won't wake up Jalen and Melissa, and sit down. I'm feeling a bit nauseous, but nothing terrible. Sit there for 15 minutes, and walk downstairs to get a drink of water.
I reach the bottom of the stairs, and the room starts spinning again. The feeling is akin to that of being on a merry-go-round after accepting a double-dog-dare from the big kids to let them push you as fast as they can; or being on that one ride at Six Flags where they spin you around really quickly and drop the floor out from underneath you. The feeling I was getting was like that, except all out of proportion because I hadn't drank anything or eaten anything weird. Rest of the body feels normal, but head is spinning like too many beer bongs the freshman year in college.
Anyway, get to the bottom of the stairs, the spins, and then the sudden onslaught of severe nausea. I call Ralph on the Big Porcelain Telephone, note the absence of food in the conversation and go into the living room where this happens maybe 10 more times before Missy wakes up at 7:30am. Fortunately for me, she's got the day off to take care of my pathetic ass.
This happens maybe 30 more times during the day. I move my head slightly, and the room starts spinning furiously for about a minute, then stops and I'm nauseous. It does seem to get better through the day, but is still very debilitating and scary. At some point, Missy notices that during one of these "spells", my eyes are moving back and forth very rapidly, akin to what happens with people with down's syndrome. At this point, we are getting a little nervous and decide to consult WebMD.
What we got back wasn't pretty: "these are signs of a small stroke or brain tumor" seemed to be the general consensus. We decide to wait 24 hours before panicking to see if the symptoms persist. I wake up on Friday morning after barely sleeping Thursday night, and indeed, the spinning spells continue. We call my father-in-law, who's a surgeon, and ask him what he thinks it is, telling him what we found on WebMD.
"Well, I guess it could be a tumor or a slight stroke, but my guess is that it's this thing called Benign Positional Vertigo". He goes on to explain what it is (an inner-ear condition), how it's caused (free-floating calcium carbonate crystals in the inner ear chambers), that it's not life-threatening, but to go in and see a doctor about it.
We schedule an appointment for later that day (Friday) with Dr. Berger, our family practitioner. By the time we get to see him on Friday, most of the symptoms have gone away. We explain to him what happened, and he nods and whips out a piece of paper and explains what he thinks is happening. Basically, it's what's described here.
By Saturday, hardly any symptoms. I dance my ass off at the MESS party, Realm (Matthew Dear was excellent). Go home, stay up with Missy (Jalen was spending the night at a friends -- sniff, sniff, but that's another topic) for a bit, go to sleep, and wake up on Sunday morning with the BPPV back with a vengeance. Guess my brain hasn't adjusted yet.
As I write this, I'm feeling a bit of vertigo, but not much. I managed to drive myself to work, but I'm trying to keep my head from turning too much. Dr. Berger says that it can take upwards of a month for your brain to adjust to it's new environment. Let's hope it happens soon.